


Not too slow, Macca

by sherlocked221



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Developing Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 12:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10764015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlocked221/pseuds/sherlocked221
Summary: It's around 1962John and Paul have decided to give this whole relationship thing a go, but there's a lot of creases to smooth out.Updated.





	Not too slow, Macca

**Author's Note:**

> Cheesy, quick write. I wrote this quite late and might get back to it at some point, but... yeah. Tell me if you'd like more. I''m on a bit of a young Mclennon thing at the moment

John had paused just shy of Paul’s lips. He’d finally done it, he’d finally got Paul to want him. They’d gone out on dates that were masked by song writing sessions. They’d finally tried being ‘together.’ The verdict? Well, yes it was awkward, but it was awkward like every other budding relationship either boy had been through. There had, so far, been times when they talked for hours, when they laughed for days about the same jokes and when they couldn’t get enough of each other. Then there were also all those times where they didn’t have enough to say or when they’d done something they wished they hadn’t or when they wondered if this whole thing would work. The latter problem was an ongoing thing in a relationship like theirs especially. The whole boy on boy thing, not exactly legal, so everything was done in secret.

Still, despite everything, despite the awkward, it had felt like more of a relationship than John or Paul had been in in the past.

So why was it that the first intimate touch they would share, John stopped, opened his eyes and gazed down at Paul’s expectant lips? He thought how absolutely beautiful Paul looked, how genuine his expression was, content with a distinct edge of desperate want in the creases of his closed eyes. He’d wanted this for so long, dreamt about it, touched himself to it, yet here he sat beside what he’d waited for, something preventing him from continuing.

It took Paul a moment to realise that it had been too long without a kiss. Had he misread the signals? He opened his eyes to see John inches away from him, indicating to him that John had gone in for a kiss too. So… why was there no connection? Paul had begged for this since their first date, but they’d agreed to see if it worked first, the relationship thing. It hadn’t with girls, so they wanted to be sure that it was the gender or the people or whether they just weren’t ready for anything yet that had failed them before. And, as far as Paul was aware, this was working. Why else would they have gone in for that kiss? Both of them, it had been mutual. Perhaps it was still too early. Paul leaned away a bit, but not too far. He could smell John’s intoxicating smell, the one that is unique to a person mixed with their habits, their daily routine, and he wasn’t going to move too far away now that he’d got the scent.

“Are you ok?” He asked, trying not to sound too concerned, or else John would take it the wrong way. John didn’t move from where he was.

“Yes… I d-”

“Too soon?”

John continued to look at Paul and licked his lips. He really wanted the feel of Paul’s against his. Paul had such full, stunning lips, coloured perfectly. He’d never seen a girl with better, “No, I just… don’t know…”

“Are you worried?” Paul tried.

John wasn’t as defensive as Paul thought he’d be, “Are you?”

Genuinely, Paul had to think. Then he nodded. Why? He couldn’t say, he had no idea, but there felt as though there was a lot in their way that would stop the relationship. His main worry was keeping it a secret. He could barely stop himself from smiling every time he saw John. How would it be as the relationship went on? He couldn’t believe he was having these reservations now, as though a kiss would seal their fate. It was intimate, but he’d kissed so many without it meaning a thing. Why could it mean nothing now?

John was furious with himself. He could see that Paul wanted this, he wanted it too. He felt as though he had a stammer and no word could pass through his mouth. There was something about Paul that both motivated him and ailed him. Perhaps, he thought, it was the very motivation that ailed. He liked Paul too much, it was obvious to everyone. And if this happened, the rumours- and John _hated_ rumours- would be true. John would be queer, in love with his little bandmate. In his frustration, he moved back. He hated that it looked less and less likely that the kiss was going to happen, but he couldn’t bring himself to just do it. He used to be so good at that.

“John, I really do love you.” Paul said, he hadn’t a reason for it, he just felt like it was relevant now. He may have needed it to remind himself, in fact. It might make the kiss easier to know that he loved who he would be kissing. But he was never the type to instigate. He’d beg with his eyes, he’d present himself all pretty, but he would never jump in to kiss first. He suddenly thought, what if that’s what John really needs? Someone to take charge, even just once, just for a kiss. He’d follow, take over later.

“I love you, Paul. I’m so fucking-”

“No,” Paul warned, seeing where John was going with that. He was about to get pissed off with himself, “…don’t get angry, please. I’m not disappointed or anything.” John rolled his eyes. Why did Paul have to be like this? He understood him so well, too well. Paul looked at his friend and decided in that second that it was no or never. He- reminding himself that John would follow, John just needed the push- lurched forward and finally their lips met.

It stayed small at first, closed mouth, gentle, then John pried Paul’s lips apart and pressed his tongue between Paul’s teeth. That was it, that was all he needed. Paul felt proud that he’d worked this out and with such a satisfying outcome. They kissed for a little while, then John placed his hands on Paul’s chest, fingering the buttons on his shirt.

“Wait, wait…” Paul muttered, pulling away, “You want _this?_ ” He was surprised that it had moved so quickly, “I thought we were taking it slow.”

“Not too slow, Macca.” John chuckled, breathlessly, “We’re not in school, you know. I think we can handle ourselves.” Paul laughed as well, but it was more nervous. He could’ve sworn he was never this ‘talk about your feelings’ type. He wasn’t with the girls. And he wasn’t a girl. What had gotten into him? He crushed his lips against John’s again, now allowing the older man to unbutton his shirt. Once that was open, John ran his hands down Paul’s chest, feeling him. It felt so _good_. Paul went to do the same to John, but before he could, he was pushed back onto the rest of the sofa with John clambering on top of him. John rested his hips down so that his crotch was right against Paul’s, making Paul gasp. John giggled at the sound.

Paul liked this. He kept telling himself that he did, but there was something that kept him feeling uneasy. He tried losing himself in pleasure, fantasising or getting lost in the moment. Nothing worked. He realised now that he needed to stop, there was something he hadn’t worked out from before.

“John…” He said, pushing up on John’s chest with both hands. John remained in positon, only raised up a bit.

“Yeah?”

“I… wasn’t expecting this.”

John blankly stared at him, “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Paul was pretty definite on that, “I just… feel strange.”

“Weren’t you ever told about those nice feelings, eh Paulie? Those ones where your trousers get a bit less roomie randomly, or when you wake up with the sheets all ruined?” John joked.

“Yeah, no, it’s different. I just thought we were taking things slow.”

John kind of got it. It was the kiss thing all over again. He wasn’t sure if he should do it or not. He looked down at the handsome sight beneath him and tried to ignore the surge of attraction that he felt, in turn of being understanding. “Paulie, if you’re not ready, if you want me to stop, that’s fine. If you’re feeling weird, it’s cool. No one is making you do anything and no one will be angry if you don’t. I mean, I will cry my eyes out tonight after being rejected…” He and Paul laughed together, then he continued, “…but this is only going to work if we ignore everything we’ve ever done with girls and actually put some effort into a relationship. Sounds like a hell of a lot of work, but I’d rather do it for you than for some bloody blonde, wouldn’t you?”

Paul could barely believe his ears. He half expected John to get impatient with him and take him whether he fully consented to it or not. He smiled up at John, studying the beauty in his cute buck teeth that poked though when he breathed through his mouth or his cheeky grin that was infectious. “You cheesy fuck.” He snickered, then pulled John into yet another kiss.

 

 

Everything was very… real.

John had felt at the high of ecstasy not ten minutes ago. Not a drug in the world nor mind-numbing pints of strong drink could recreate the trip he’d just experienced. It was worth several songs more than he’d ever written about drugs, or soppy love shit. The only problem with that was, every lyric he tried to write seemed to have Paul in there and the song would not work without it. He decided to stop thinking about work or his hobbies to focus on the moment, Paul beneath his arm, head on his chest, breathing heavily into his neck. He buried his nose in Paul’s hair and closed his eyes. Nothing could be better.

But everything could be worse. They’d get up soon enough. They’d go outside and have to perform. They’d be watched by loads of people, not to mention be seen by those closest to them. The idea that George might find out about this… Or Ringo… Or Eppy… After insisting he had no feelings for men, what would John say if Eppy found out that he’d slept with one? Of course, Eppy probably wouldn’t judge him as much as the others, but there was something about him. Perhaps he’d be disappointed, the rejection might be too much. John didn’t want that on his back. He tried to sink into Paul’s scent, ignoring his thoughts and be thoroughly distracted, but he ended up loosening his grip on Paul and turning his head away.

“Johnny?” Paul whispered, looking up to see the back of John’s head. His fair hair was splayed all which way on the back of the sofa, looking mussed, but pretty. Paul reached up to grasp a bit between his two fingers, which he twirled around fondly to get John’s attention. He only got a grunt back. Worried, Paul leant up on his elbow, throwing his body further onto John’s so that he might meet his gaze. John’s eyes were wide open, looking at the room around him, vacantly. “Something the matter?”

“Remember when you said you felt strange?” John muttered, “Apparently, it’s my turn.”

“What do you feel strange about?” Paul resisted his urge to pepper kisses along John’s jaw. He tried his best not to sound as turned on as he was feeling yet again.

John shrugged his shoulders. He felt as useless as when he had stopped right before Paul’s lips to kiss him, only this was worse. He had no idea how to curb the feeling. Before, the kiss was the achievement, now there was nothing to look forward to, no solution. He couldn’t stand a situation like this. Angrily, he shook his head as though to erase any doubts in his mind and looked up at Paul with feigned content. He was not going to spoil another moment. “I’m fine, actually. Just leave it.”

Paul did not look convinced, much to the frustration of John. At the first cocked head, raised brows glance, John regressed into his anger with himself, “It’s just going to be so… fu… so difficult to pretend this never happened.”

“I know.” Paul nodded, “I was worried about that too. But we can’t really change that now. Our choices are; stick with what we’ve got and pretend that it never happened only when there are other people around, or pretend it never happened and never let it again. I was scared to do this because I… like you a lot John and it’s going to be hard pretending that’s not true, but now that we’ve done it…”

John cut in, “Yeh yeh. Don’t lecture me, Macca. We just have to deal with it.”

Paul started to giggle, then picked up a pillow from under his arm and hit John right in the face with it, “Don’t lecture you? When you were the one all like ‘ _if you’re not ready, its ok. I won’t be sad. We’ve got to work on this, blah blah blah._ ” John laugh from the beneath the pillow, readying himself for a counter attack. He caught Paul by surprise as he pushed the pillow back up and knocked Paul down onto his back. He then scrambled to pin Paul there while he straddled him again.

“Listen you cheeky git, promise me one thing. In this relationship, no one lectures. We save the cheesy talks for our songs, ok?”

Paul nodded and they kissed, this time far easier than the first.


End file.
